My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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