we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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