I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize