Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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