I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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