you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am one with the molecules
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
