I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize