just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
please come you make the beer taste better
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
