what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
