don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
this hospital has no fireball
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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