the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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