a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry about my life...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize