It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
