Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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