It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
