someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize