and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
