I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
