yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
