I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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