i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
