First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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