no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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