Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
