I'm pants shitting drunk right now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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