his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
