I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize