I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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