I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
