last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
