The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
