from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
