if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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