i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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