dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
