Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
