how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
