It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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