am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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