yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
