Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
