her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
