just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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