47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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