New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
