I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize