Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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