NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
