could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
