I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You pole danced in your parka.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
