i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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