I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this beer tastes like vomit already
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
