My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
