The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize