She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
