it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
