I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
