she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just puked most of my soul out..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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