it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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