i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
