she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He shit in the fireplace
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
