The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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