Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
