walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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