Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
